Where do I start?

Backstory first, an honest brutal one.

It was a 200 kms Breve or BRM.

For the uninitiated, it’s a group of cyclists that started a club in France almost a century ago to ‘just cycle’ and explore, self supported and riding endlessly on long routes.

It’s not a competition, it’s all about endurance, to keep going really long distances and it has to be finished within a stipulated time.

I was getting ready to do 400 kms and 600 kms events in December 2024, the 200 kms one was a warm up to the big ones.

There are many groups around the world in different countries that are officially affiliated to the mother ship in France. It was based in cities and in some of our states in India, there were different groups in the cities. Whatever the club in France set in terms of rules and regulations must be followed in exactly the same way.

I had been riding all along with Secunderabad Randonneurs club, ‘Secunderabad’ is a twin city of Hyderabad in case you don’t know, we had another city adjoined to the capital. A very professional club that had strict rules and regulations and priority was given to safety always. Their routes were well planned and organised.

This time ‘Hyderabad Randonneurs’ club opened the slot for 200, 400 and 600 kms. I never rode with them. They have been quite infrequent in opening up ride events this season.

My big advantage I thought was that the starting and end point of the cycle ride was just 1.5 kms from home. I could finish the 200 kms and ride back home without worrying about lugging the car, carrying the bike in it, and after finishing the super long ride, put the cycle inside the car then drive back dead tired home to the other end of the city which I usually did.

The moment we assembled, something was off from the start. Rules are very strict and must be followed in ‘Audax Breve’ rides. ( as the endurance events are called )

No one is allowed to ride without head lights and tail lights on the cycle ( for visibility and safety) and most importantly, cyclists must wear a bright reflective vest throughout the ride ( again for safety).

BUT HERE, I saw half of the cyclists that day breaking basic rules by not having the above and yet they were allowed to carry on with the ride! This was a big surprise to me the way it was being handled.

Was it this casual? I thought, because it’s not a fun run or a family picnic. Randonneurs as we are called take it very seriously. Breaking any mandatory rule during any event like this meant you will be disqualified.

I ignored that thought and we all started off. Then one by one things unfolded.

There was no reconnaissance of the route that must be done by the organisers in advance before the event for safety in order to avoid heavy traffic, really bad routes/roads/ accident zones, the organisers just allotted the route to us.

It was filled with confusion from the start, which side to go, which route is this and usually a route map is given but also updating latest changes be that heavy traffic or a bad road to us through WhatsApp updates , but this was weird, there was no guidance or communication.

There was lots of confusion right from the start and I was getting agitated, and most of us were. One hurdle after the other, and this was just 200 kms and I kept thinking is this how they will organise the bigger 400/600 kms ones?

And then came a big hurdle, 30 kms of a horrible uneven muddy route and most of us were almost falling off the cycle. What it does is it sucks every ounce of energy out of you. You have to keep your cool to balance to being extra alert. It drains you.

There is also a process where we have to get our cards stamped as a proof that we have reached in alloted checkpoints or sometimes take a selfie pic at a point marked by them and WhatsApp them immediately as a proof.

But the whole route and event was filled with a kind of energy that I can only say at hindsight disturbing me a lot.

Was that a sign? Should I have dropped off in between and hailed an auto and gone home? Because you can do that, and some cyclists do it if they are exhausted, strained. It only means you didn’t finish the ride and it’s ok.

Once a while I think if I should have done that, that thought does creep in.

But I know myself too well, with determination and tenacity, I would keep going, because that’s me always, so I know now that what was about to come was unavoidable.

During a breakfast break, I realised that the rumours I heard about Hyderabad Randonneurs club in cycling circles was coming true.. not professional and disorganised. It might seem trivial but everything that was happening during the ride was like ticking points if one had a ‘not to do’ list.

If I thought those 30 kms was horrible then came 4 kms of pure torture by afternoon.

I had asked one of the organisers at one of the check points as to what’s ahead. They said it’s uphill, maximum elevation that’s it.

To our horror we saw, forget a road, it was huge mud hills! Completely strewn with mud, rocks, stones blocking the entire stretch, so we had to lift up the bicycle onto our shoulders and walk and almost slip on the horrible terrain!

All of us were terribly strained and exhausted. By the time I reached this hotel resort marked for lunch, I asked them, what was that?! The answer was, ‘oh we didn’t know they were laying the road’ so casually. Seriously?

What I write next is something I haven’t said aloud or if I expressed anything, it was in bits and pieces and by writing this, what it will do is replay that entire memory like a movie in front of me.

I checked my watch and it showed 130 kms, so I had another 72 kms to go back to Hyderabad. And I felt this urge to go home, just go home. All I wanted was to get out of this creepy feeling, this feeling of having a horrible ride so far.

For me, it was never about the physical pain, I have done longer rides than this and I pushed through the endurance, through pain and having a satisfied journey. But what was this discomfort lurking inside me now?

After lunch, I asked the organisers the following clearly , ‘ How is the route from here?’ Should I watch out for anything? Is it an incline or a decline? Do I have anything to worry about? Believe me, those were my last words to them before it happened. And you know what was their answer? ‘ Oh, all good, good road, no surprises like in the morning, go ahead’. And in the next few lines you will know the big error they made.

I got my gear back on, got onto the cycle and looked back to see if the others were joining, the few whom I cycled with were down and out with sheer exhaustion, they struggled hard the last 2 kms and they were resting, so they said go ahead we will catch up with you.

The next few minutes would change my life.

I cycled out of the resort, turned to the right, with a complete blind turn and to my utter horror, right after that was the most terrible narrow road with an almost 75 degree really steep decline!

And let me tell you controlling the brakes requires not just dexterity but a preparedness.. only if I knew it before.. only if they mentioned it because I asked specifically.. and you cannot brake hard ever on such a decline, you will topple over and fall. But the worst was in front of me.

A car ahead of me with an L board( learner) and going at 20 km/ hour!! Bloody slow, on a narrow horrible road and I instantly knew I am going to crash hard into the car and this is my end.

This is not hindsight when I am saying this. At that very moment, I precisely knew I would crash and hit the car then it’s ‘khel khatam’ I am over. There was no way I could overtake or slow down this cycle when the idiot in front of me is going that slow.

This is where I surprised myself. I was extremely calm during that moment, knowing my fate.

So calm, present and in the moment and the last two sentences I remember saying it out, ‘ Swapna you are going to crash’ then an instant decision was made right there, since this is out of my control, instead of hitting the car, I swerved the handle towards the right knowing fully well I would hit the bushes, mud, whatever was on the side of the road than the bloody car. I didn’t know what was there that side, did it matter anymore?

And my last sentence ? I chanted ‘ Jai Kali Ma’ and BOOM.

You know what happened next..

Can I tell you how much gratitude I have for what happened ? Considering the speed, the crash and impact the accident had , I should have gotten a serious injury. A fracture, a brain injury, broken collarbone or worse. Yes..

I have absolutely no recollection after I said my last words till I woke up in the hospital. NONE. How I fell, to what was my condition, nothing at all.

I came to know few days after when I was coherent enough when a cyclist called and checked on me. He told me that one cyclist saw me already crashed and there was blood splattered all over. The scene was all blood. Nothing else I know besides that.

And here is the thing, the cyclists that came after me missed narrowly, because fortunately there was no vehicle in front of them or behind them. Quite a number of cyclists put one foot down, kept scraping the goddamn road, screaming, almost tipping and feet hurting then some got out of the cycle and started walking down in terror.. They barely escaped. Thank God.

I came to know more shocking news during the course of time.

A female cyclist had a horrible accident 3 months ago at the same spot and her left knee got fractured. She collided with a stone losing control. It was so bad that she was conscious and screaming her lungs out as the bone was showing through the flesh.

The thing that jolted me ? Exactly 1 year ago, at THE SAME SPOT organised by the same guys at the event, a cyclist lost his life. He couldn’t control the speed, hit head first, skull broke and was dead on the spot.

That decline, that spot was known to be the most dangerous. Why the hell did the organisers choose the same route for the ride after so many casualties and mishaps?

I am drained, exhausted and feel fortunate. There I said it finally. I expressed what I was holding within me tightly for a month.

Right after, when I woke up in the hospital to the present, I have lots of gratitude,so thankful that not only am I alive but nothing so horribly happened that could derail me for the rest of my life.

And here is where my mind set shifted. I am thankful that I can eat something at the least, or eat in my own way, I am slowly driving my car, I groan when I wake up from the bed but I still get up, don’t I? I am not on a crutch nor in a wheelchair, nor am I in a coma where I am burdening someone with my indefinite condition.

Ma Kali and Bhairav Baba have given me another chance to reset my life.

To undo everything that I thought was set for life, to remove the rigid patterns I was following and to start all over again fresh towards the unknown.

This accident tells me point blank, “UNWIND! I AM NOT IRREPLACEABLE! NO ONE IS!” And finally, can I ease up and be free for once?

Conclusion coming up 🚴‍♀️