When you see the heading I am sure you would think of sexy Shakira and her biggest hit ever. Maybe I wanted to use that so I could get your attention 🙂
It’s been two months since I wrote anything at all after my last blogs on traveling to Ladakh & Dharamshala. That trip was 180 degree life changing experience. It taught me to value what I have than what I didn’t, it taught me to be thankful each and every day, for the people I have around me and those who drifted apart.. So nothing ever moved me to write a blog until now..
Today is special because it happens to be my mum’s birthday.. A fiery dynamic Sagittarius woman, highly intelligent & temperamental. She chose to love and hate in extremes. There was no grey in her emotions. Always Black and White.
I stopped doing the stuff I usually do on her birthday after she moved on.. Neither celebrating nor mourning nor donating anything in her name. Instead I was listening to all her favorite songs through the years..
And I recollected how she supported me, how she uplifted me in ways that sounded weird then but makes lots of sense to me now.
Today, when the world is all about the ‘Body’ about abs being rock hard and how sexy has been taken over by ‘Hot’ and they use it on every person, animal to even an object.
How in spite of social media and whatsapp forwards that talks about Loving yourself, your body however that may be, we are also inundated with messages, magazines, papers showing stunning women in bodies that are unbelievably perfect and sculpted. I wondered how much of a confusion and complication it is for young girls to women like us.
I was and I am a tall big girl. ‘Big’ might sound politically correct here but the reality is that I am a big boned girl, tall for a girl of my age growing up seeing all boys shorter than me. My hips are wide and I have a wide frame.
Growing up during the 80’s and 90’s was torture. Sheer torture. It’s because no one saw a big girl, not FAT but Big, no one knew what to make of me. The jibes from the girls and eve teasing as they called it then from the boys. In short, social isolation..
Almost every day , I would come home with incidents that was traumatizing me but never tell my loving supportive parents about it. Why? I don’t know..
But my mother she guessed it.. She would always see me look at the mirror in disdain, yes disdain at the height I had, at the ‘wide’ hips and legs I had and hating myself every day.
She would always say what you think is a curse or a deformity is anything but that. Your body is a blessing, you are unique, you stand out from other petite girls.. And people don’t understand someone who is exactly that. They are scared, they are shaken up and the only way they can react is by being mean.
But how do you convince a ten year old? And all these years were just that.. Body image, the idea of seeing myself as a skinny woman with skinny skinnier legs, the legs that could fit into shorts and not look fleshy, the hips that could fit into a tight waist jeans.. Yup all my working out in the gym was about that. I hate my hips, I hate my legs!
No matter how many loving people came into my life, men who told me that was my asset, NOPE i stuck stubbornly to my perceived perfect body image.
Until I started teaching Yoga in New York..
That moment stuck me when I was teaching and I noticed all teachers around me looking the same, slim, in fact super slim with pure muscle and straight figures..
I stood out with my big frame and curves. It hit me like a bolt.. No one in New York or for that matter anyone outside India disparaged me for my ‘Big’ frame unlike in India. All I got was Wow, I wish I had your legs and even wide hips!
I remembered my mum and thought of all she did to uplift me during those years. She would tell me, Kanna (Darling) you are so beautiful in every way, you are trying to be someone else’s body, look at yourself, you are just so good. God has given you this so appreciate it..
Today, I don’t care about what I wear nor worry about if I wear shorts, will I look fleshy?? I don’t even think of fashion pros and cons like ‘Don’t wear white, you will look Fat’ to ‘ Wear Only Wide Flared jeans that will cover your wide hips’.. Why?? Why should I do that anymore?
Isn’t beauty all about showing and being who you are? Not to worry about this dress and that figure but to embrace what your body is all about and work towards keeping it healthy and not about losing ‘Weight’ ?
And yes as Shakira puts it, Hips don’t lie, surely mine doesn’t because after a long time, these hips are swaying and dancing to the tune and music of life 🙂