How do I describe what my journey was about. Will I sound cliched if I say this was different than all the travels I have done?
While all my trekking/ backpacking/ solo travels were filled with surprises and adventures, this journey explored an unknown side. In every possible way it confronted me with situations that bared open my fabric, tore it to pieces to reveal a person that I never knew existed.
We make so many plans and I always had that ‘pride’ of doing things unplanned. There was an ego attached to it. To know that I could get up, pack and go. With that came an arrogance and confidence to handle anything I could come across and to scoff at people who couldn’t.
It was also the meditation workshop I had attended before starting my travels, it all came to a full circle.
It ripped apart my core as the omnipotent god showed me the way. He grounded me saying this journey is all about him, you have come to see me and I will make it tougher in every step you take but you have no choice but to see me, think of me and no one else. Dhyana.
I will not give you the luxury of thinking it’s ok, I will test you so much that you will either hate me or surrender to me.
Sitting here in the sunshine at 11.20 am in Badrinath temple nestled among the Himalayas at 13,000 feet, I now know what total surrender feels. It leaves me hollow and full at the same time.
In the background are the soothing voices of older women from Kerala wearing beautiful traditional sarees singing praises of the lord and Adi Shankaracharya. In front of the dome, they sit in rapt attention on the cool stones facing him. Their voices, their devotion takes me in completely.
‘Narayana Narayana ‘as they sing, eyes closed in the clear blue skies and the Himalayas surrounding Badrinath, everything is crystal clear.
My writing about this blog series goes through a transformation. It’s no longer a day to day account but will continue in a non linear way.
My journey this time was not just zig zag, but an unpredictable, taxing, vexing and exhausting one every single day with no respite. All the fears and insecurities came to fore. I and my friend Bhim wondered if we will ever get through this.
So a new chapter begins with this blog, not just with the way I write but the way my life will move forward with the choices I make and the decisions I take.
I leave you with a passage from Ashtavakra Gita. ‘ Right and wrong, Pleasure and pain, exist in mind only. They are not your concern. You neither do nor enjoy. You are free.’
To be continued 💕